Turn the Other Cheek

This may be offensive, but I think men, especially younger generations of men (like my own), get offended too easily. Actually, most men. Scrap that, most people. Almost anything nowadays can offend anyone at any moment. Whether this stems from our parental practices, culture or even something like social media. At any moment anyone can get “canceled” for almost any reason. And I’m not advocating for not keeping people accountable, I’m just arguing that the pendulum has swung too far. The Pew Research Center’s article titled, Americans and ‘Cancel Culture’: Where Some See Calls for Accountability, Others See Censorship, Punishment, does a deep dive on the term, “Cancel Culture.” What is revealed is that as Americans we have no widely accepted understanding of what that term even means (Vogels, Anderson, Porteus, Baronvaski, Atske, McClain, Auxier, Perrin, and Ramshankar, 2021). Yes, hold everyone to high standards and lay down the law when applicable. Actually, I really think we aren’t disciplining and punishing people enough for the decisions they make. Which ties right into this problem. How are we forming our sons to be great men one day? How do we ourselves form into great men?

Let’s first look at how we got here. Is it because we live in the West and can pretty much do and get whatever we want? And I want to make it very clear that I am not advocating for less freedom. Actually, you could argue I want more freedom. What I’m saying is that with this freedom comes great responsibility. Yet, we have the freedoms but are not disciplined to bear that responsibility. As men, and more importantly, as dads, how do we navigate this culture that is seemingly pushing against us. The nuclear family is disappearing, the notion of what it means to be a man is controversial to even contemplate, and having children in the first place is an afterthought. The Pew Research Center indicates that the two-parent family system is in decline, from 73% of children living in a home with both of their parents in 1960, down to 46% in 2014 (Pew Research Center, 2015). Additionally, fertility rates in the US are down from a rate of 3.5 in 1950 to 1.8 currently (Macrotrends). How do we father well in this time? Let’s look to the wisdom of Jesus.

In Jesus’ quintessential work, The Sermon on the Mount, he boldly shares truths to the crowds without holding back. He delivers strikes to the heart, piercing through to the core of what makes us human. And towards the end of his message Jesus talks about retaliation. Most of us are familiar with His call to turn the other cheek (Matthew 5:39). Although, we get this wrong a lot of the time. Some Christians look to this verse as a core argument for pacifism. And believe me, I would love to live in a nonviolent world where no harm is done to anyone. Unfortunately, we do not live in that world, yet. For right now, we still need to stand up to injustice and violence. We still need to protect our families. We still need to train up strong men who possess self-control and wisdom. Men who find their identity in Christ. Men who rely on the Word of God to guide them. 

Notice that Jesus emphasizes that it is the “right cheek,” implying that it is a back-handed slap. It is also an open hand and not a fist. Culturally, this is more of an insult than anything else. What Jesus gets at is that if we are insulted or humiliated that we should not retaliate. This is because we are strong, we are not to be offended and act out of immaturity. We are not to be prideful.

So much violence and detriment has its roots in pride. Men who are too prideful are at risk of being too offended and take things too personally. They look to the world to get their identity, their praise. As dads, we are to raise our children in humility. Teaching them that their identity is in Christ. Those who hold onto “truths” from the world are at risk of being confused, angry and consequently offended. This is because they do not hold a secure worldview that is rooted in God. When we plant deep roots in God, we yield beautiful fruit. We produce love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). The person that bears these fruits is not easily offended. They are not insecure and immature. They are strong and brave. They are wise and knowledgeable. This kind of person stands up to bullies, but is in control. Loves those who make fun of them, and “turns the other cheek” when insults come to them. This is the kind of person we strive to become, and the kind of fruit that we want our children to yield.

Dads, our call is to listen to the guidance of the Holy Spirit. To walk in God’s ways and set our eyes on Him. When we do this, when we “seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, [and] all these things will be added to you” (Matthew 6:33). This is what it means to plant deep roots. We do not have to have all of the right answers or be an experienced dad. If we love God and love our family, and are laying ourselves down daily, the rest of it will fall into place. Take heart in knowing that you can’t do everything. You won’t do everything right and will probably make a lot of mistakes. But, if we follow the Bible and the wisdom that God has spoken to us, we will have all that we need to raise children who love Jesus and are secure in their identity in God.